well, here it goes

So, this is actually from my other blog. No one seemed to see mine because I used a different website. I figured this would be a good post to start off this new blog. Hope you like it :D

I had an epiphany today in my journalism class. I figured out exactly what I want to do and what I need to do to get there. I need to raise my GPA up to at least a 3.2. I need to apply to the schools that I actually want to attend and pick the major that I want to study. School was always “my thing” growing up. I got honor roll almost every semester of every year in high school and then I got to college and it never felt right. Some classes I loved, while others made me want to gouge my eyeballs out. Classes just seemed pointless and so I didn’t put a hundred percent into all my work causing, not terrible grades, but definitely not what I could have gotten.

I never knew why I could have loved high school and yet hate college, so I took a semester off to figure it out. Boy, was that a huge mistake! I took the semester off and did absolutely nothing with my life except sit at my house and be lazy. I figured out that I had to go back to school in order to be someone in life and re-applied to Bridgewater. After getting my acceptance I was ecstatic and started out the semester in the best way. I was doing all of my homework on time and even doing extra credit. I was working hard to get back on track and it seemed as though I was heading in the right direction. I was wrong, again.

Second semester, spring of 2010 started out alright. I had four classes that I didn’t really want to take but had to take to fill credits. It started out as just skipping a class or two to sleep in or because I didn’t finish the homework, to not going for a whole week. I didn’t realize until the semester was coming to a close that I was going to fail… everything. I had to withdraw two weeks before finals to try and keep my GPA at the 2.8 it is right now. In doing so, I lost all the credits for that semester and still had to pay for it.

I have been at Bridgewater state since I graduated in 2008 and only have 24 credits under my belt. My GPA is alright but not that great and I still haven’t declared a major. I never really knew what I wanted to do, so I never really did anything to make sure that I could accomplish that goal. I never had a push from anyone to do what I really wanted to do, but instead I was told I had to do something that I would make money in. My parents would always tell me that I couldn’t just be a teacher or a writer because that wasn’t what the world needed right now. I always listened and did what they said because I didn’t really have another idea as of what I wanted to do.

I figured out today that I have always known what I wanted to do with my life, and I now have to make up for lost time to be able to make it a reality. I want to write! I have been writing the beginnings of books since I was a freshman in high school. I would come up with the plot, characters, hidden meanings and even get it all going but then I would get stuck and frustrated and give up. The only book that I actually kept up for almost three full years got destroyed when my basement flooded killing my computer and my external hard-drive. I just got my new laptop and external hard-drive and I plan to re-write it as best as I can, but knowing myself and how I write it will probably get deleted.

I want to write for the comment, even though that doesn’t seem very hard it is for me. I am scared that I will start to write and it won’t be good, and then I will end up feeling like I failed yet again and I just don’t think I can handle that one more time. I want to do this so badly it hurts and I want to push myself to be the best I can be so that I can accomplish every goal that I make for myself. I am determined to do well, even if it is the hardest thing I have ever had to do, I know that I can do it, WILL DO IT!

Starting tonight I am going to go above and beyond my usual a hundred percent and do two hundred. I am going to make sure assignments are great, not just good and that not only do I finish the assigned readings for classes but I read more than I have to. I am willing to do whatever it takes, and it takes a whole lot.