i know this hurts, it was meant too.

Life is constantly changing, that's what happens. Nothing ever stays the same & that is how it will always be. People come in and out of your life, sometimes they pass by quickly & sometimes they stay forever. You have to decide what is worth waiting for and what isn't. You have to make tough decisions & live with consequences. Sometimes thing don't turn out the way you want them too & sometimes that's exactly what you needed. Life is NOTHING like the movies. You will get hurt, you will cry & you don't always get what you want. You especially don't always get a happy ending. Life isn't always beautiful, but it's a beautiful ride. Sit back & enjoy all that is great in this world, because otherwise you will miss out on what is right in front of you. If you look at something in a new angle, you will see just how beautiful it really is. There is beauty hidden even in the gloomiest of places. 

I'd like to think I never did those things, or never said that to you. But the truth is, I did and that's apart of me. I make mistakes, and I know who I am because of them. I lost you because of it, but to lose you meant to gain myself

I decided that it's time for me to move on... wow it took me a long time to decide that. It's been almost five months, and I guess I finally got sick of being the "back-up" and settling for second best. It's not fair for me to pretend that one night with you would take us back to how it was. It was stupid to think that I could handle that. I don't even want to talk to you. I HATE YOU, and yet I don't. Even though you hurt me and fucked me over and ruined everything, I don't hate you. You made me a better person, you taught me more about myself than anyone ever has and you helped me more than you know. You were another piece of my story, a piece that no longer fits and I'm ready to accept that and move forward. Life has been so much different since you left, and it's not half bad. I never thought I could be happy without you and I'm finding that I am actually happy almost all the time. The only time I'm not is when I see you, you being around makes me feel physically sick. I still get those stupid butterflies and weak in the knees, and I hate that. I want to be able to see you and have you mean nothing to me. I know that will never happen, but the more time passes the easier it is to see you and be okay. I know one day I will be able to see you and be happy that you are my friend. I know one day I will be happy that you are a part of my past and not my future. You never deserved me, and you never will. Knowing that helps me get through this. I feel like a dumb little girl for still being so wrapped up in you but in all honesty, you were the one who helped me find myself. I know I made mistakes, but you did too. The difference is, I forgive you.. Forgiveness is the first step to being able to forgive myself, forgiveness is what I need from you. I guess I need to know that you don't hate me, and that you still care for me in some way. Knowing that we can't be together is hard enough, but knowing we will never be friends is worse. I don't want to think about you anymore, not the way I do and I don't want to miss you as much as I do. I don't know when that will stop, but it's getting easier each day. One day I'll be fine, and on that day will be one of those days I will never forget.