before the worst

have you ever been struck by the feeling 

that something is wrong? nothing in particular, 

mind you. nothing that you can quite put your 

finger on. just an overwhelming sense that things

in your universe have, well, shifted. and even if 

the answer is right there, staring you straight in 

the eye, somehow, you still don’t see it. 

++ as told by ginger

contrary to what they say. hate the player, not the game.
cause not all players are the same.

i look at you and remember how much pain and hurt you caused me and i can

truthfully say it doesn't bother me anymore. yeah you put me through a lot but

i can't say i regret any of it for a second. it hurt like hell but it was the

realest hurt i've ever felt and the feeling i felt when i was with you

was worth every single second of hurt.

 you don't really seem to have him now at least not the way you want to

have him. you won't get anything unless you ask for it. then if you ask

for it and don't get it, maybe it wasn't worth having in the first place. some things

are just never meant to be. no matter how much we wish they were.

i pushed you away because i knew that if you stayed, i could never turn

you down. you are the most beautiful and most terrible thing that's ever

happened to me and you will always have my heart.

 i let you in, you were the first one. did you know that? i trusted you.

they said you might hurt me, everyone told me not to get my hopes up for you.

bet you didn't know that and when everyone doubted you, i was

there defending you. then you left and it was a horrible feeling but i put

my trust in you. i trusted you wouldn't hurt me, but baby you did.

 there are so many reasons why we are meant to be, but there

are so many many more reasons why we aren't.

i wish i could be friends with you, but every time i hear your name i 

still feel a little something that i can't let go of. i just can't let go. 

i have a new outlook on life and the people that are in it. if you prove

to me that you deserve to be in my life and stay in it, then you will. if you show me

that you don't care, then i'm not gonna care about it. i'm done letting people

walk all over me. for once in my life, i don't care.

 I hate the fact that i would take you back in a heartbeat.

someday you'll cry for me like i cried for you. someday you'll miss me like

i missed you. someday you'll need me like i needed you.

someday you'll love me and i won't love you.

 you're not anyone special to me anymore. i'm used to this by now.

i've been hurt before, so leave me alone like you've always done.

cause you've hurt me too much to be the right one.

i'm not looking to fall in love. i'm not even necessarily looking for a boyfriend right now.

all i really want is to find a nice, good guy i can text late at night, joke around with

and be stupid with. someone i can easily talk to, someone i can be my total self

around and not mind at all. a guy i can waste friday nights with, laugh with and have fun with.

someone who's not perfect but understand me, ya know. is that really too much to ask for.

i force myself to remember the past. to remember all the times you hurt

me and ignored me and made me feel less than i should, i do this so i am okay

with walking away. i want to remember you at your worst so thinking

about your best doesn't hurt as much.

you made me realize i don't deserve to be with someone who never cared as much as i did.

maybe i didn't mean anything to you, but to me you meant the world. so if you

want to apologize for treating me like crap you can. but just to warn you i may not

accept it. you're too deep in your own shit to dig your way out this time around.

sometimes you wish you can go back in the past and change things, but you

can't do that. you've got to keep moving forward no matter how painful

it might be. because dwelling on the past isn't going to fix the future.

learning from your mistakes is what's going to.

  men will treat you the way you let them. there is no such thing as deserving

respect, you get what you demand from people. if you demand respect

he will either respect you or he won't associate with you. it really is that simple.

i am the kind of girl who enjoys the chase. i get a thrill when it comes to winning

someone over and making them fall in love with me. then when rough times emerge in

a relationship, i run off kicking and screaming. i analyzed my actions once. i came

to the conclusion that i'm afraid of getting to close to someone because i'm scared to

get hurt. when a boy takes one step forward, i take three steps back. i've done this

my whole life, it is my greatest downfall and the reason i have lost so many loves.

no matter what anyone says, you don't come back to a person time and

time again unles you still care. that's all there is to it.

 i've tried to forget you. i've tried to move on. but every time i get anywhere close

memories come flooding back to me. people ask me what ever happened between

us. i don't know how to answer them, truth is i don't even know what happened

between us. one second we were great the next you were gone.

 promise me, that's all i want. just promise me that you'll never forget me.

tell me that i changed you somehow. let me know that i had an impact on your

life. promise me that you'll always remember me. losing you was hard enough.

but i don't want to go on knowing i meant absolutely nothing to you.

 every time i thought about you, it upset me. i always felt sorry for myself

but lately every time i think about you i feel sorry for you. you fucked up

the best thing in your life and i got ride of the most fucked up thing in mine.

 it is the absolute worst feeling when someone hurts you and they

have no idea that they're breaking your heart into a million pieces.

 and for a moment i felt like he truly cared. he wanted to know why i pushed

him away and all i could say was "i can't love you anymore."

 i cared so much about you and you left me here, waiting. waiting for you

to change your mind and come talk to me, but you never came.

 i've gone through this before and that's why i don't get why this is so hard

for me to deal with. it's the simple fact that he just doesn't want me like i want

him. i guess maybe it's so hard because for awhile there he made me feel

like he did. maybe that's the difference.

 it's better that we're not talking anymore, not pretending everything is okay.

because for once i feel like you aren't faking your feelings for me.

 i feel like if i looked different he'd want me. like if i changed myself he'd realize

that i'm everything he wanted. i know he has a type of girl and that's probably why

he first started talking to me, cause i fit in that type but now we're slowly

growing apart and i want him to want me again.

 you have to get hurt. that's how you learn. the strongest people out there, the ones who

laugh the hardest with a genuine smile, those are the people who have fought the

toughest battles because they've decided they're not going to let anything hold

them down. they're going to show the world who's boss.